


Top Of The World

by camichats



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern: No Powers, Angst, Breaking Up & Making Up, Comfort, Football | Soccer Player James Potter, Happy Ending, Insecurity, M/M, Musician Sirius Black, Time Skips
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-27
Updated: 2020-12-27
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:27:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,956
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28363125
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/camichats/pseuds/camichats
Summary: When Sirius's singing lands him a contract, James is happy for him, even though it means he'll be gone for a while. Time passes, they break up and try to maintain a friendship.
Relationships: Sirius Black/James Potter
Comments: 4
Kudos: 47





	Top Of The World

James rolled his eyes. "For fuck's sake Remus, you're overreacting. Sirius got a major break in his career; he's not dumping me. This is a _good_ thing." 

Remus looked unconvinced. "Fame can do weird things to people. Besides, he's going to be spending the next year and a half out of town." 

"This is _Sirius_ we're talking about. C'mon, you know him." 

"That's what I'm afraid of," Remus muttered, but James didn't hear him, already turning his attention elsewhere. 

* * *

"I miss you," James said into the phone when there was a lull in the conversation. "Do you know when you're going to get a chance to visit?" 

"Er, it might be a while." 

"Oh," James said, disappointed. When this had started, Sirius had said that he thought he'd be able to drop back home every few months. It had been over a year, and so far, he'd only visited once-- two months after he left. "Well, do you have a couple days when you aren't quite so busy? I can take some time off work and come visit you." 

"No," Sirius said, and James frowned. "I mean, don't bother. I know how hard it would be for you to get the time off." 

"Are you okay?" James asked, because he couldn't think of another reason why Sirius would tell him flat out not to come. 

"Fine," he said, too quickly for it to be true. 

"Sirius." 

There was a pause, then he sighed. "I didn't want to do this over the phone." 

"Do what over the phone?" James asked, his stomach sinking. Remus had thought this would happen since the beginning, and Peter had started to think the same after five months passed without Sirius visiting. They'd been warning him to brace for it, but he'd thought they were being ridiculous. Until now. 

"I think we should break up." 

James blinked, hoping against all odds that he'd heard him wrong, but knowing that he hadn't. "What?" 

"I said we should break up." Another pause as Sirius waited for him to respond. When he didn't, he started to explain. "It's not like I've cheated on you or anything, but I feel like... maybe the only reason I fell in love with you in the first place was because you were the first person to be nice to me, y'know? To really care." 

No. He _didn't_ know. 

"And I don't mean that I didn't love you to begin with, because I definitely did." 

'Did'. Past tense. He'd gotten over James like it was the easiest thing in the world, and all he'd had to do was get some space. They hadn't even been broken up for a full minute, and he was talking like he was already in a completely new period of his life. "Right," James said blankly. 

"I'm sorry." 

"Yeah." 

"Are you okay?" 

Would it matter? He felt... dread. He hadn't crashed yet. He was going to feel like utter shite soon, and he knew it. He was going to start crying soon, and he wouldn't be able to stop it. He _loved_ Sirius. It was a fact of his life. He'd planned on marrying him. They'd talked about it. Commitment freaked Sirius out, so they hadn't actually gone and done it yet, but they'd planned to. It had been a few years since they'd talked about it, so James had figured that they would do it soon. Soon enough that, like a love-sick idiot who'd thought that his life was a bloody fairytale, he'd gone and bought a ring with the intention to propose the next time Sirius came back home to visit-- although that had been slightly less about the timeline and more that he’d sen the perfect ring and didn’t want to let it pass him by. 

"James?" Sirius asked, worry clear in his voice. It must've been a while since he talked-- longer than he'd thought it had been. 

"Yeah." His throat worked. He was starting to feel angry. He needed to get off the phone before he said something he'd regret later. "Good luck on your performance tonight," he said, then hung up. 

He was an idiot. Such a goddamn idiot. 

It changed things. Of course it changed things. Even if he'd acknowledged that at the start, he would've believed that him and Sirius were going to stay together, but at least he would've known that it was _different_. Thinking that nothing was different had been stupid of him. He should've adapted. More phone calls. He should've tried to visit Sirius instead of waiting for him to come home every single time. 

It was too late to fix now; he knew that, but he couldn't sit here and think about nothing. 

* * *

It was about a week later that James saw a news story-- complete with picture-- about how Sirius Black, new musician on the rise had been caught snogging another man at an American club. 

James moved Sirius's things to the spare room. He'd hoped that maybe Sirius was confused and needed space. Going out and hooking up with other men wasn't confused. It meant... well, it meant that he'd been telling the truth: he wasn't in love with James anymore-- and maybe he never had been. 

It had been nice for Sirius to say that he'd loved James at some point, but James wasn’t sure that was the truth. It had cushioned the blow. It had helped him from completely falling to pieces that day. He wanted to think that all of the times Sirius had told him that he loved him were true, but if Sirius had been confused the whole time, then there was no way it had been real. 

They were mates. It's all they ever should've been. James had been the one to ask him on a date. James had been the one to kiss him and nudge him into a relationship when Sirius had said he wasn't sure if it was worth risking their friendship. 

In love or not, James wasn't willing to lose him. A few days later, he shot him a text about something funny from work, and he pretended like they were back to normal. He didn't say anything about the bloke from the news. If it was going to last, he'd hear about it one way or another. 

* * *

Remus blinked. "And you're okay with that?" 

James shrugged, shoving another chip into his mouth. 

"Sirius is dating other people. Sirius. You've always described him as the love of your life." 

"Yeah, the love of my life. Apparently," James said, picking up a chip and smothering it in ketchup, "I wasn't the love of his. It happens." 

Remus didn't have anything good to say to that, so he stayed quiet. That was nice, because James didn't think he'd take an 'I told you so' very well right now. He wasn't half as good about this as he was pretending to be. "And you're okay with that?" Remus asked again. 

James sighed, looking up at him. "What do you expect for me to say? That I like that he's sleeping around? No, I'm not okay with it, but it's not my business. Sirius said that he wanted to move on, and he is. It's got nothing to do with me, so it doesn't matter whether or not I'm okay with it." 

"Who do you think you're talking to right now?" Remus asked. "Sirius isn't here; you don't need to pretend that you're okay." 

James poked a chip against the plate uselessly. "What do you want me say?" he asked quietly. "No, I'm not okay. Yes, I miss him. Yes, I wish that he was focusing on his musical career instead of shagging random people." 

"I'm glad you admitted it," Remus said. 

"I'm not." 

"You don't feel the slightest bit better for having said it aloud?" 

"Not really." 

"Oh," Remus said, a touch awkwardly. "I thought it would." 

"Tough shite," James said, shoving more chips into his mouth. This is why he hadn't wanted to talk about it. 

* * *

James signed on with a professional football team, and then he was so busy that he didn't really have the time to pine over Sirius. 

He still did. He was pretty sure that there was no amount of exercise or drills that could get him to forget about Sirius. It did help him from feeling quite so down about it, though. They still texted. They were both too busy to fit in phone calls anymore, so they texted when they could. Most of the time, it was a couple messages, then six hours later, a reply would come. Rinse, repeat. 

* * *

A knock sounded on the door, and James couldn't have been more surprised if he tried, when he opened the door and Sirius was the one standing there. "Er, you know you have a key, right?" 

"Lost it," he muttered. He didn't look anything like he did when he was on stage. James had seen plenty of photos of him when he was performing, and he knew that the lights and the makeup changed things but this wasn't like that. He looked... downtrodden. Miserable. Despite there being no rain outside, it was like he'd just walked through a downpour. 

"Well, good thing I was here, then. I guess we can go out tomorrow and get you a new one. If you're not busy, that is." 

"Not busy," Sirius confirmed, shaking his head. "Finally got a break. Not on tour anymore. Now I'm supposed to get a new album out. Or at least a single." His tone made it clear that he wasn't looking forward to it, even though songwriting used to be his favourite part. 

"I thought you liked writing songs." 

"Used to," he murmured, kicking the door shut. 

James frowned. Before this, his plan had been to write off Sirius's appearance as jet lag. "Are you okay?" 

"I miss you," he said. He didn't look up as he said it. He was staring at a spot on the floor. His head was hanging in such a way that it looked like he was trying to hide behind his hair. 

"Yeah, I miss you too. It sucks that we never get to see each other anymore, but hey, it's off season for me, and you're not on tour anymore, so we’ll have plenty of time." 

"No- I mean, I _miss_ you. I miss being with you; I miss us." He didn't add anything for a moment, and James thought that he might leave it at that. "I'm sorry. For what I said. I saw all these people looking at me, and I thought... bugger, I thought it meant something. It was nice to feel desired, you know? And we weren't- we're not _new_ anymore, so I thought- I dunno." 

"People always look at you," James said numbly. "You just never noticed before." 

Sirius did look up at that. He gave James a small, sad smile. "I was always too busy looking at you." 

"Are you- I mean, what are you saying? You want to get back together?" 

"I was planning on apologising a while longer, but... yeah, eventually that's what I was going to say. You can think about it. I mean, it's like you said-- we've got time." 

James pulled him into a hug. There was a surprised stiffness to Sirius before he relaxed and brought his arms up to hug him back. "You say that like there's anything to think about." 

"I'm sorry it took me this long to get my head out of my arse," he whispered, turning his head so that his face was tucked against James's neck. 

"It's okay." 

"It's not, but thanks for saying so. I love you. So sodding much.” 


End file.
